I'm Home and Happy Again...

Life continues to move at lightning speed but I'm home and back with my family which makes me so happy.  Baby E is back at the sitters today who, can I just say, is the best.  Between her and my Mother-in-Law, I can't complain at all about the attention he gets during the day. 

Check this out..I get email updates from the sitter a couple times a day which tells me how Baby E is doing.  I love getting these.  They make my day so much better.  Again I love it (sorry just had to brag a little bit).

2 Days, 16 hours of Meetings and 44 Ounces of Liquid Gold

I've been in Florida since yesterday morning.  I've been working on orchestrating the first two days of a five day meeting.  Serving as a facilitator, I'm focusing for the entire day on this conversation with only enough break time to run off to the New Mom's Room to pump by the end of the day I'm done.  I'm traveling with a pump and all the parts.  Have you ever gone through security with a black box?  I had to tell TSA and it went through the scanner separately.  It's a pain but I know it's worth it.  I had to pump right before getting on the plane.  Thank god for family assist bathrooms. 

Now I just need to make sure all the liquid gold gets home safely.  Work has provided me with a cooler and ice to ship it in and everyone around me is willing to help. The hotel has offered to make sure it gets shipped home.

Let's hope when I get home tomorrow this cooler isn't far behind.



This is Terrible

Here I sit in a hotel room in Florida missing my little guy.  He's at home cuddled up with Dad and I'm not there.  I'm praying I don't miss the first time he rolls over.  He's so close. 

I've got to just get through the next two days.  I can't wait for Wednesday.  Let's just hope the weather allows me to get home on time. 

How Can You Not Smile...

When you see these pictures...

It feels so good to think we're raising a happy child.  These smiles make me feel so good.

Is This What You Thought Parenting Would Be?

That's the question S asked me this evening as Baby rocked in his swing and we ate a quiet dinner.  The funny thing was I didn't know how to answer because I'm not sure what I expected.  I spent so much of my blogging life trying to speculate what it would be like and it's almost comical to go back and read them.

Words can explain how excited I get at 4:30 knowing I get to go home and see Baby E.  Nor can it explain the level of frustration you feel when he cries and you can't seem to figure out why.  The amount of highs and lows are amazing but I love every minute of it.

Baby E is doing so good.  He is still sleeping pretty well.  He is definitely eating well and his personality is really starting to shine through.  He's getting better at using his arms.  The activity mat has provided many opportunities for instant gratification.  It's so amazing to see him grab one of the things that hang down.  His eyes light up and he giggles.  I could watch it all day.

One Day You're In and the Next Day You're Out

That's what comes to mind these days as Baby E goes through phase after phase.  From the 7th to the 12 week he slept through the night.  Now he's getting up once to eat which I know is still very good.  Now that he's able to focus on things and is starting to reach out to grab for them, we've pulled out the activity mat and he loves it.  It's so cute to watch him learn to control his arms.  The thing I'm struggling with is that if the TV is on in the room why he's in there, he will crane his head so he can see it.  I know, I know.  It's not recommended for children under two.  And I'll do my best to keep him from watching it but he tries real hard.

It also seems like I've gone into a second phase of nesting or something.  I've been on the hunt for two rugs, one of for the den and one for Baby E's room so I went to HomeGoods and found one that I really liked for the den.  I put it in my cart and walked around a little more.  I thought it over and ended up putting the rug back.  I got home, looked at the space and realized I should've bought it.  I went back only to find out it had been purchased.  I kick myself for not getting it.  That's the problem with those stores.  They won't ever have it again.  ARGH!

We also got some curtains for Baby E's room which we love but putting them up will be such a hassle.  We have plaster walls and hanging anything is a small project.  I love the charm of older homes but these walls are my enemy.  I HATE them.

We got some art work which I need to get framed but it's awesome.  It's by Children Inspire Art.  I ordered it off Zulily.com. I love that site.  They always have fun things to shop through and great prices. I feel like we're finally starting to get his room put together.

3 Months and Counting

Baby E is growing like a weed.  He's coming up on his 3 month milestone and is doing so well.  He's sleeping through the night mostly.  He's a great eater.  He is talking and cooing up a storm. 

We went to get his 3 month pictures taken at Sears and were happy with the results.  Somehow she got him to smile occasionally and captured most of them.  This was taken right before the Sip and See.  I love dressing him up.  He looks like such a little man.  I think he looks more and more like his dad every day. 

Sacrifices

My entire career I've made sacrifices.  I traveled for 5 years before my current job.  I traveled the week after my honeymoon leaving my husband home alone.  That was heart wrenching.  I missed him so much.  Now it's time to do it again.

 In two weeks I have to be away from Baby E for 3 days.  I can't even tell you how much that hurts my heart.  It was bad enough going back to work and leaving him for 8 hours.  Now I need to prepare myself mentally to get on a plane and spend 72 hours away.  I don't know what else to say.  I'm sooo not looking forward to this.

Sip and See...A Great Success

Added...Link to According To Nina.  She posted pictures of the event. 


Before Baby E was born, we meant to celebrate with all my friends at home but work got in the way.  So instead of scrapping it all together, my sisters, sister-in-law and mother threw us a "Sip and See".  It was great.  Instead of speculating what Baby E would look like at a regular shower, we got to introduce him to everyone.  It was great.  The atmosphere of the party was very easy going thanks to my family.  My sister in law threw one heck of party.  The decor was adorable (colors - Orange, Blue, and Green), and the food was fantastic.  Best of all, I got the one gift that I've been dreaming about.  The inspiration for the blog...the BOB stroller.  Here's Baby E trying it out for the first time.  I think he likes it!!!

I'm Struggling

We are on Day 4 of our full week back to work and I'd be lying if I'd say I wasn't struggling some.  Yesterday I found myself in a funk that's hard to describe but I can say that it was a mix of anxiety, sadness and a little overwhelming.  Life has changed and when I think about what that means for my daily routine, I really get discouraged. 

I want to be Mom first.  There are no questions about that.  But somewhere in the 12 hour day, I need to be a wife, a project manager, an athlete, a budget manager, a cook and a few more roles.  So here's how it breaks down:

6:00 A.M. to 8: 00 A.M. - Mom (no question here), getting ready for work takes a very small portion of time but it's mostly baby.

8:00 - 5:30 - Project Manager.  I'm at work and nothing else can be done during this time frame.  I have a pretty demanding job that requires as much concentration as I can muster.

5:30 - Till Bedtime - This is where it all breaks down. 

Before Baby, I would come home, S and I would go to the gym around 6:00, stay till 7:00ish.  Make dinner and eat around 8:00, clean up and relax. 

Post Baby, when I get home, I need to spend a good half our just loving on Baby E.  I've been away from him for almost 10 hours and I miss him terribly.  So then when it comes time to go to the gym, S and I are trading off rather than taking him to the nursery at the gym just for a few more weeks to get through some of the high flu season but when it comes time for me to go, I'm torn.  I have a hard time leaving Baby E.  I feel guilty that I'm spending yet another hour away from him a day.  I'm frustrated that either way, I'm compromising something, either my goal to stay fit or time with my family.  I'm anxious that Baby E's going to get overly fussy and it will be hard for S to deal with.  And overwhelmed that this won't all just fit the way I want it to.  Don't even think about giving proper attention to my husband and dog and getting a healthy dinner on the table.  S is very good at helping when and where possible and some of this might result in me determining that I have to give up more control but that's hard too. 

I know, I know, it's an adjustment.  I get that but this week is a gut check that I wasn't prepared for.  My goals to compete like I did prior are starting to feel like a lost cause.  At some point I'm going to have to recommit to myself and my goals and work it out so that I feel fulfilled in every aspect of my life but right now I just don't.  I'm just circling, looking at everything and everyone and not feeling at ease with any of it.  Feeling like I'm letting everyone down, including myself.  I have faith it will get better.  It's just tough right now. 

Happy Holidays!

We've had a great time celebrating Christmas and the New Year with Baby E.  It's definitely a different experience than we've had in the past.  Last year, we were getting all dressed up and heading out to a fancy dinner and night out.  This year, we put on some comfy clothes and headed to some friends house for a quiet dinner.  We were home by 10:30, put Ian to bed and cozied up on the couch.  This was, by far, the soberest we've ever been on NYE.  :)  But I'm not complaining.  I loved it.

On our last day of vacation, the boys are getting ready to watch the Rams play for a playoff spot. Go Rams!  Baby E seems to be happy to be home and back into his routine.  He's doing well and growing like a weed.

I've decided not to commit to a new years resolution this year.  I'm just going to focus on giving plenty of love to my boys and if I get an opportunity to compete in some distance events then even better.