The Quiet Room

I've been debating for the past week whether or not I write about what's happened but I decided that, for me, I needed to get it off my chest. 

I lost my Dad suddenly last Sunday.  (There I said it, but I don't feel any better yet). 

He had a history of heart disease and had been trying to make smarter, healthier choices to exercise and eat right.  He and my mom had come to St. Louis for the weekend to be with us.  They loved St. Louis.  We had spent pretty much all day with them on Saturday just running around town.  Saturday night they had watched E for us so S and I could go to a party. 

Sunday, he had gone down to the workout room to walk on the treadmill and collapsed.  Someone finally found him and called 911.  By the time I got to the hospital about an hour later, I was escorted into a "Quiet Room" where my mom and sister sat.  It was then, in that "Quiet Room" that my life changed.  My Dad had died. 

I'll spare you the remaining details but it was a whirlwind of activities last week.  I spent the week at home with my family and am back to work this week.  (Which doesn't seem like enough time). 

I have been trying to figure out what exactly to say here.  I could tell you about my dad.  He was an amazing father to us when we became adults. 

He was a father.  He wasn't so good with the younger years (that's where my Rockstar mom stepped in and was so influential).  But as we've grown up, he's the one that has given us career advice and has been there to help us navigate the waters. 

He was a business man through and through and was always impressing upon us key business skills.  Even at an early age, he was trying to teach us things like Finance Terms, which at 6 doesn't make a lot of sense but that's what he knew. 

He was a "Pawpaw" He.loved his grand kids.  Before E was born, he was ALWAYS hounding me for a grandbaby.  When I got pregnant, almost 2 years ago to the day that he died, I wasn't exactly happy.  I hadn't intended to have a baby yet and spent most of the 9 months dealing with my new reality.  I'm a big believer in the theory that there's a reason for everything.  Well, I think I can see now that I was supposed to have E for him.  Dad loved him and E loved Pawpaw.  They were inseparable. 

There are so many things that are now going to look and feel different.  So many phone calls I would've made to him.   

The one thing I can say is that he was always pushing us to do better.  He always wanted us to make sure that whatever we were doing we were doing it well. That saying I have on my GoSportID just became so much more than a Mantra I made up.  It's the way I will make sure I'm living my life because that's the way he would've wanted it. 

I love you Dad and will miss you so much!  I promise I will continue to "Make it worth it"