Monday, November 19, 2012
Giving Thanks for Perspective
I’m realizing just how valuable the experiences in life truly are. I’m learning to see that everything happens for a reason and that stressing and fearing doesn’t add any value to life.
With E, I wasn’t necessarily in the maternal frame of mind. I was working at a career, which I love, I was training for my first half ironman, I loved all the time out with family and friends. S and I wanted kids but the timing wasn’t exactly what we had in mind. Don’t get me wrong, we loved the idea of having a family.
My problem was I was already living what I thought was a full and content life. I was doing all the things I wanted to do. When I found out I was pregnant, I had to immediately adjust to pregnant life. It took me all 9 months to adjust to the idea of being a mom. I had fears, lots of fears.
I had a fear that there wouldn’t be any more time for me. Yep, I’m selfish like that but I love working out, I love running and I feared that all that would go away when I had a baby. (Link: Darker Side of Pregnancy | Frustrated)
Thankfully, I have a husband who supports me more than I can ever say. He lets me do the crazy things I love to do.
I had a fear that we wouldn’t be able to afford a baby. I had heard horror stories about the costs and I just worried we wouldn’t be able to do it.
Don’t get me wrong, we’ve made sacrifices but we’re still making it and even doing some fun things along the way.
I had a fear that I wouldn’t be a good mom. That my heart wasn’t going to be in it.
It’s in it! I might not be the best mom but I'm being the best one I can be.
I had a fear that I wouldn’t love being a mom. I always felt like maybe people were playing it up, trying to convince themselves that they like being parents because there was no other choice now. I feared that I would regret not having the freedom anymore to do what I wanted. (Link: I hate when that happens)
I love being a mom. Is it hard? Yes Is it not fun all the time? Nope but it doesn’t make it any less special.
I had a fear that my fears would affect the baby.
Believe me I had many fears. So much so that I ended up going to see a therapist a few times during the pregnancy to help me cope. I even feared sharing them with friends. Most of mine were already moms and they seemed so into it that I didn’t want to bring them down into my funk. My husband is great but these were fears that he had a hard time helping me work through, for obvious reasons.
Though the conversations with the therapist helped, I still went to bed anxious at times. People would tell me not to worry but my mind was much louder and told me to worry about everything.
Long story short…when E came into the world, I got a jolt of reality and with it came an overwhelming sense of self. I quickly realized it wasn’t about me. That all those fears would not be issues. I immediately knew what it meant to be a mom. I immediately knew that I now had a new role to play and that it was going to be my most important role yet.
I truly do love being a mom. Do I make sacrifices? Yep. I don’t get every run in that I plan. I don’t get every hour of sleep that I think about but what I do get is worth so much more.
Now that I’m pregnant with Baby Nuunie, I have so much more perspective and calm. Pregnancy is not fun for me, don’t let me steer you wrong, but I’m not afraid. I’m excited. I’m looking forward to the day that I look at the kitchen table and see two little bodies sitting there eating lunch. I’m looking forward to the day when S and I have no room in bed because two little monsters have snuck their way in.
Life isn’t always going to hand you a sin-free Snicker bar. Life has challenges, lots of them, but at the end of the day, I am truly thankful for what I have and what I work so hard for.
I hope that you’ll take a minute this Thanksgiving, just look at everyone and everything around you, and realize just how special and amazing your life is.
What are you thankful for this Thanksgiving?