You know those women that know how many they want?
You know those women that knew after one they wanted more?
Well guess what? I wasn't one of them. If you asked my husband, you would find out that we debated having kids at all.
Then when we found out we were pregnant with E, I adjusted to the idea of being a mom. Then when E was born, I was BLOWN AWAY. Like you could've knocked me over with a feather. I had NO idea what I was getting into but I knew that it was meant to be and that I loved every emotionally wonderful moment of it.
S and I struggled as parents at times but came out the other side. We loved watching E grow up. He loved us soo much (linking to one of my favorite memories) and we loved him more than I ever knew we could.
See more pics from his first birthday here.
I thought our little family was complete.
I thought there wasn't anymore room in our hearts (or house) for anyone else.
I thought I was ok with our family just the way it was.
Then, I found out I was pregnant with Allie. Again, I struggled. I struggled with the idea of juggling two kids, I struggled with losing the independence we had gained as E had grown up and mostly I struggled with how I was EVER going to love another child as much as I loved E (Link to my confession). It really worried me.
Then almost three months ago, Allie was born and my world was ROCKED again!
I learned really quickly that..Yes, there was room in my heart for another little one (and the house too).
I learned that yes, having two kids is difficult but amazing all at the same time.
I learned that my husband and I can work as a pretty good team.
I learned that I really don't have much control over my little world and that when someone has bigger plans for me than the marathon I had planned to train for or the triathlon I really wanted to do, than I just need to let it go and see where this wild ride takes me.
And mostly I learned that I wasn't OK. Not at all. There was more. Our little family wasn't complete.
Am I ok now? I'm not sure but I think so. I'm definitely happy, content and tired. The rest will take care of itself.
What did you think you were ok with that ended up being different?
It is amazing how your capacity to love grows exponentially with each child that comes into your family. You really are ok. :-) thanks for sharing.
ReplyDeleteSo true Katie. I felt very much the same way about having kids at all and then about having a second. I had no idea how I could possibly fit more love into my heart but it's pretty amazing how much our hearts will expand. As a very type A person, it's hard to let go of all those plans I had in my head but I'm learning more and more to trust that wherever I'm going is where I'm meant to go. So very happy for you and your family Katie!
ReplyDeleteHaving a child (or 2 or 3) totally changes everything, in so many ways that you can never imagine beforehand. Like Shannon says, you really are okay.
ReplyDeleteYou took the words out of my mouth! I was the same...not sure if I even wanted kids. And then once I did it, I couldn't believe I ever wavered. And same with number two--could I do that? But it really is the best...so much we would have missed out on if we hadn't done this, huh?
ReplyDeleteIm with misszippy.
ReplyDeleteI could have taken or left motherhood entirely.
OR SO I THOUGHT.
I always knew I wanted kids. Without a doubt. So when Emmalyne came along it was like life was complete. I also knew I wanted more kids but I struggled with the WHEN. I was/am so content with our life right now. But I KNOW that when the Jellybean is born life will even be better. That being said ... I am pretty sure I am ok with two kids ... a far cry from the 4 I dreamed of haha.
ReplyDeleteI love this. I always wanted 5 kids, I wanted a big loving family (probably because my family was so dysfunctional) after having B, I struggled. I am the only mom in my group of friends and getting dropped like a sack of potatoes from any social gathering rocked my already very emotional state. I went through stages of only wanting one kids to wanting more. Now I am in a much better place, and I think I would be ok with 2, I would love to have 3.
ReplyDeleteI was in flet the same when I got pregers the second time and then 16 weeks later the dr. told me I was having not one, but two babies. I still don't know what it's like to have two kids, we went from one to three overnight. Five years later I am still telling myself that I'm OK. ;)
ReplyDeleteLOVE this post! It's amazing how much love and joy the little ones can bring into our lives. I felt the same way about Elijah when he was born and I can't imagine life without him. I know he loves me so much and its amazing to have that unconditional love from your child.
ReplyDeleteLove this! I always knew I wanted children, eventually, but my husband and I were in no rush to start a family. When I welcomed my first, I 'got it' and understood what all the fuss was about. I had the same concerns about welcoming #2, but as soon as she was born, all doubts about having enough love to go around vanished. Sometimes it can be frustrating to put aside personal goals because the timing isn't right with two young children, but the disappointment is always replaced with excitement or appreciation of some new milestone they're accomplishing.
ReplyDeleteI felt the same way when I found out - surprise - number two was on his way. I was still working up the courage to go back to the baby days and leave behind my happy balanced life with one well behaved easygoing two year old.
ReplyDeleteThe love came. The balance...still working on it.
awww sweet post :)
ReplyDeleteYou are doing amazing juggling everything, and your little family is so cute!
ReplyDeleteMy fiance and I have talked a lot about kids, we kind of have the "if we do great, if we don't that's fine too" mentality. We have 3 nephews we get to spoil and take care of. But recently there have been more talks about wanting it one day, his sister just had baby #2, and last night we were sitting there together holding and looking at him and J looked at me and said "someday" and smiled. Coming from him this is a lot, as he kind of always leaned more toward the no kids side. I know we will be good with whatever life throws our way, but we have definitely wavered between the 2 options a lot lately, amazing how holding a little one can really make you lean one way.
I always knew I wanted kids, I wanted two or three.
ReplyDeleteI struggled when we started talking about having a second, I didn't know how it would be possible for me to ever love another child as much as I loved my first. Our hearts are amazing things though - now I can't imagine my life without either of our children in it. The love I have for them is incredible.
Lovely post! I don't see how there could be room in my heart for more than one right now, but I can easily see how that would change if I actually had a second little love.
ReplyDeleteGreat post!! I was just like you and when I found out I was prego with my daughter I flipped out went in denial and it took an ultrasound at 7 weeks to prove that she was in there(kind of sad now that I was that upset about it). I was training for another half marathon and plans for a full when I found out. But she is one of the best persons, experiences, treasures in my life for the last 2 years and counting and wouldn't change anything except maybe my previous attitude. Glad God had a plan regardless of my thoughts, He knew I would love it and that's all that matters :)
ReplyDeleteWhat a wonderful post. My husband and I were married nearly 10 years before I got pregnant, so I know exactly what you're talking about. And now even though I know that being a mama is the BEST. THING. EVER. I am *still* terrified at the thought of planning to have another - I am so nervous that I could never love a second child as much as my son. Guess I'll go read your post on that, now, too!!
ReplyDeleteA mother's love is infinite. Her time, now that's another issue. ;)
ReplyDeleteI struggled with the decision to start a family too - hubby wanted a big one, I didn't want one at all. We've now somewhat compromised with 3 little girls. Though he's starting to realise that I was never gonna give up running triathlon etc.
ReplyDelete