First off, just like anyone, I wanted E's party to be perfect so it became the focus of my efforts the past week which meant that everything else took a backseat including running and exercise even though I was mentally committed to running in the Rock n Roll Marathon on Sunday.
I worked and worked on the party and luckily on Saturday, it showed. I was so proud to welcome my friends and family and enjoyed watching them enjoy themselves. E was a great host, walking around greeting everyone. I promise pictures in the next post.
What I didn't count on was the sheer exhaustion I felt on Saturday night after everyone left. I really couldn't believe it. I felt the same way I did after my wedding just spent in a great way. But still I felt like running the next morning was an option. Then it happened. I set my alarm and went to bed. The next morning I woke up, looked at my phone and realized I had slept right through it. I should've been halfway through the race by the time I woke up.
My first emotion was frustration. I had let myself down. Why didn't I hear the alarm? Why didn't I get up? I could've muscled through the race but I didn't. Instead I slept. Frustration led to some thoughts that I'm not sure I want to admit to even thinking because it forces me to think about the possibility that my limits might be something different than what I thought.
I, just like every other mother I know, pushes myself every day because we have to. I have a lot going on and in my mind I should be able to juggle it all. Work, grad school, fitness, family and all the other stuff that comes up. Well, it turns out I have limits and my body has let me know that if I choose to dismiss them, my body will remind me. I realize now I needed that sleep and I guess I have to accept it. I still get that sinking pit in my stomach to think I didn't do it. My goal had been to do two halfs before E's first birthday. Well, I didn't make it. So it's time to accept it, set a new goal and move on.
Ok, couldn't resist...One picture. He looks like such a little boy. My baby is growing up.
Oh hugs! There's nothing more important than your first's 1st birthday - you will NEVER regret focusing on your little cutie patootie. There will definitely be lots of other races to do, but never another first birthday.
ReplyDeleteI am struggling with same thing this week. Taking on too much: work, home, blogging, etc. My body is rebelling. I finally had to give something up. Been there for both birthday parties too. And we mommas want to have ownership and do it all ourselves. I'm sure it was a beautiful party. Your little man is too cute. There will be more races, but you first child is only 1 once! Enjoy every moment.
ReplyDeleteThe birthday party was perfect, and the birthday boy was a great host. I was exhausted after Parker's party, too. You deserved the extra hours of sleep. :)
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