I hate when you are just casually reading and then something you read
strikes a cord with you. It makes you think and possibly makes you
come to realizations that you MIGHT have been trying to avoid.
Well,
when that happens to me, I usually find myself going for a long run and
I think about it some more. Last week that's exactly what happened.
As I was lazily browsing MSN, this headline caught my eye:
"Do Working Moms Spoil Their Kids?"
I immediately got this sinking feeling in my stomach and tears started to well up.
I
have a career which requires me to work a lot sometimes, I have school
which causes me take even more time away and I won't even go into the
other things that take time away from E.
I am jealous
of stay at home moms (most of the time). I'm not jealous because their
lounging at home all day because we all know that's not what happens.
What I'm jealous of is the eight additional hours they have the
opportunity to spend with their kids. I'm jealous that they get to be
there when naptime is over to cuddle and hold just a little longer. I'm
jealous that at night, they (maybe) aren't trying to cram 4 hours worth
of errands, etc into 2. I'm jealous because their kids will have more
memories of that time "mommy and I did...
I'm always
finding that when I get home from work, I do tend to be more lenient
with E. I don't hold my ground ALL the time because quiet frankly, I
hate the thought of spending the very limited time I have with him
disciplining him. He is almost 2 so we're entering that stage where we
do a lot of parenting.
I know it's wrong. There are
other things I've been letting E do that I know I shouldn't but I just
kept making excuses..E just needs a little bit of XX...or whatever the
case. I'm not sure what happened yesterday but something snapped and I
realized it was never him. E has probably been ready for a while but I
wasn't.
I guess I am just now realizing that they
don't stay babies forever and that they do grow up and part of this
"journey" is growing up with him. Change is hard for me sometimes and
change that might mean less cuddle time for mom is even tougher.
So
the bottom line is I need to let E grow. I'm going to have to get over
the fact that he's not a baby anymore. He's practically an adult (ok,
maybe not but he is almost 2) and I need to start raising him to be one.
An adult that is respectful, attentive, compassionate, thoughtful,
loving, and all the other ideal traits that I want E to have.
I
know lots of you are parents, did you ever struggle with the transition
out of the baby phase? Any other working moms feel like me?
I can identify with this. I wait tables and had to go back to work when my girl was 6 wks old. It was tough because I nursed and instead of getting to hold her close for dinner and bedtime, I had to pump in the bathroom after a busy shift at the restaurant!
ReplyDeleteI don't spoil my daughter (now almost 3), but I don't NOT spoil her, if that makes any sense. Basically, I do what feels right for the moment. If she breaks a rule that will endanger her or anyone else (or a pet) it's time out. There have been entire mornings spent in some stage of the disciplinary process or another. But otherwise, I just try to stick to a routine with occasional indulgences. I don't do it because I feel guilty, but because I think life is supposed to be fun! So do what feels right for you and your boy :)
Thanks for your honesty! This is always on my mind. I hate the time I miss with my Jr and often think of that when I'm disciplining, putting him down for a nap, or calling a babysitter so my hubby and I can have alone time. We aren't out of the baby phase quite yet, but I already see a need for more discipline. I really think there is a way to lovingly discipline so that discipline actually builds the parent-child relationship. Even knowing that, it's easier said than done. And part of what makes it hard is the exhaustion that comes with being a working mom!
ReplyDeleteI think that EVERY mom goes through this. Life is a hard balance of things. I feel guilty about not being there (especially if I go workout in the evening or something) but I try my hardest not to spoil my daughter for it. I need to be strict and consistent with her or she is not going to become the daughter that I want to raise.
ReplyDeleteThanks for the read!! Grace is only 2 months but the fact that she is even two months astounds me! I returning to work next month and will need to try to balance it all like you!!
ReplyDelete<3 Sam
Www.loosingweightgaininglife.com
I DREAD the day I need to choose whether to "parent" or "spoil" or anything in between. I'm so glad he's too little now for any of that and I know the day is going to come way too fast!
ReplyDeleteI definitely feel the same way, and my daughter is now 4. She has only one year left until she starts school...I tear up just thinking about it. I am so thankful I get my summers off with her, however I feel like I missed out on so much..from infancy up. I had to return to work 10 days post partum, so it seems like I was always gone for a lot of the major things. She spends more time with her daycare teachers than I do (during the school year) and I will feel the same when she starts regular school next year. It is so hard. She's 4 and already won't give me a kiss or rarely a hug...she's too grown for that in her eyes. I miss the moments of just laying and cuddling...I just wish I could bottle up those laughs, cuddles, smiles, and moments and never let them go. I think that the upside is that our children will see that we do what is necessary to provide for them and that work ethic will be passed down onto them...It'll work out...but it is totally normal to feel the way you do..part of the mommy territory.
ReplyDelete